Burden

I spy from a distance to know if i could really see how my future is, to see how beautiful it is or ugly, bad and disheartening, but am only hopeful that it will be good, nice, full of blessings, joy fortitude.

Am becoming very impatient, worried and irritated. Nothing seems to be working in the ordinary, in my everyday struggle and efforts, i have tried tirelessly, i have wished hopefully, i have thought luckily, and i have said affirmatively.

I can't do any of these any longer, i am becoming so tired of everything, sometimes i ask this question, "must man suffer?" The most annoying part of it all is that some people end up suffering in vain. I cry for help, i cry for luck, cause that is all i need right now in my life.

The country is so delusional, full of wrong people, bad, greedy and pointless leaders. Am so disappointed in our government.

I seriously don't know what my future holds, maybe another phase of continues stress and hardship, i wish i can successfully take a glance with one eye completely close and the other halfway.

I spy from a distance to see and determine how far i still have to go before i could make it in life, i don't want to be old and making it, i want to be young and making it. Maybe i should try the extraordinary, maybe i should seek for the most easiest way to success, maybe i should commit to a quick to action.

Sometime for someone to be resting doesn't mean that the person is lazy, it may just be that the person is tired. Tired of things that are happening and their nature of occurrences. I am tired and also sick of what is going on around me, i need a liberation, i need a wide space to breath well, i need the clouds to cover me with ideas on what to do with my life.

I run in circles, not wide enough to take a long time, to make me feel like am up to something. My Burden is too heavy on me, i feel like am not human, i feel like am misplaced in the wrong environment,  i feel like am in chains, i feel like am unmovable.

Am always in a state of dilemma, shilly-shally, double-edged, indecisive; i have a hard time making decisions. And when i finally do make a decision, i may not be too confident about it, or i might change my mind.

I've always wished for time and space to explore my own world but i have never gotten one, maybe i will just be relentless, reluctant and possess a nonchalant attitude.

I will go to a BAR one day and drink up my life there, and feel like i have no problem in this life, laugh like a mad man, misbehave to an extent, act weird. I will pretend to own this world, and when am out of my rehab of drunkenness, i will try never not to be the same again.

It will be heavy on me, i know that, but if i don't make it i don't care!

Am OAJ!